Handling conflict in an organization can be tricky. Conflict, left unattended, causes frustration, anxiety, and resentment.
Leaders often avoid conflict for a few key reasons:
Fear of Damaging Relationships: New leaders are usually keen on building strong relationships with their team and might worry that conflict will create tension or hurt feelings.
Lack of Confidence: When new to a leadership role, you might not feel fully confident in managing conflict effectively.
Desire to Be Liked: Many new leaders want to be seen as approachable and likable.
Inexperience with Conflict Resolution: Without much experience dealing with conflict, new leaders might not have the tools or strategies to navigate these situations.
Concern About Losing Control: There's a fear that once conflict is out in the open, it might escalate or spiral out of control.
In this blog post, I am going to break down how to lead conversations around conflict. I'll cover some straightforward strategies to help you address issues head-on, keeping the focus on solutions and keeping your team's trust intact.
Conflict might sound like something you want to avoid, but it's actually very important for making good, high-quality decisions. Here's why:
Different ideas mean better solutions: When people don't agree, it's usually because they're bringing different experiences or perspectives to the table. Without that bit of conflict, you might miss out on ideas that could make all the difference.
It challenges the status quo: Conflict forces you to think twice about the way things are usually done.
People buy in more when they're heard: If everyone gets to share their opinions—even if they don't get exactly what they want—they're more likely to support the final decision and take action.
It stops groupthink: Conflict helps prevent groupthink, where everyone just goes along with the first idea that'sthrown out. By encouraging debate, you make sure all the pros and cons are considered, leading to a smarterdecision.
It strengthens the team: When conflict is handled well, it actually builds trust. It shows that it's okay to disagree and that the team can work through tough conversations.
"If you meet with 3 people and they all agree with you all of the time .. get 3 other people." - Doland White
Leading your team through moments of conflict requires a focus and dedication to developing your skills. Here are three things that you can use right now to help you tackle conflict successfully:
Start by actively listening
Active listening is all about fully engaging with the person you're speaking with and making them feel heard and understood. Before jumping in with your thoughts, let everyone share their side of the story. Ask questions, listen without cutting them off, and show that you're genuinely interested in what they have to say.
Here are a few types of questions that can help you get to the heart of the issue:
Open-Ended Questions:
"Can you walk me through what happened from your perspective?"
"How did you feel about the situation?"
"What do you think led to this conflict?"
Clarifying Questions:
"Can you explain a bit more about what you meant when you said…?"
"I want to make sure I'm understanding correctly—did you mean that…?"
"Could you give me an example of when this happened?"
Reflective Questions:
"How do you think the other person might be feeling about this?"
"What would you like to see happen to resolve this issue?"
"What do you think could have been done differently?"
Exploratory Questions:
"What do you think is the main issue here?"
"How has this situation impacted your work or the team?"
"What do you think would be a fair solution?"
Empathy-Building Questions:
"How has this conflict affected you personally?"
"What support do you feel you need right now?"
"What's been the hardest part of this situation for you?"
These questions not only show that you're engaged and care about understanding their perspective.
Keep it about the problem, not the person
Focus on what's causing the conflict, not on blaming anyone. This way, the conversation stays productive, and you're more likely to find a solution without things getting too heated.
Use "I" Statements Instead of "You" Statements: Frame your concerns by focusing on how the situation affects you or the team, rather than placing blame on the individual. For example, say "I've noticed that deadlines have been missed, and it's impacting the project timeline," instead of "You keep missing deadlines."
Stick to Specific Behaviors and Facts: Focus on the specific actions or events that are causing the problem rather than making generalizations about the person's character. For instance, discuss how a particular missed task affected the project, rather than labeling the person as "irresponsible." This keeps the conversation objective and solutions-focused, making it easier to work toward a resolution.
Agree on the next steps
Once you've talked things through, work together to figure out what needs to happen next. Make sure everyone knows what's expected and what the plan is moving forward, so you're all on the same page and ready to move past the conflict.
Collaborate on Solutions: Involve everyone in the process of deciding what the next steps should be. Ask for input on possible solutions and make sure everyone feels their voice is heard. This collaborative approach increases buy-in and ensures that the agreed-upon steps are realistic and supported by the entire team.
Be Clear and Specific: Clearly define what each person’s role will be moving forward, including specific actions, deadlines, and expectations. Document these agreements and follow up to ensure accountability. This clarity helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures that everyone knows exactly what needs to happen next.
Here are some tips that you can use to follow up with the team to ensure conflict has been resolved:
Trust and Autonomy
Encourage your team members to take responsibility for their part in the resolution. After the initial conflict resolution meeting, assign clear roles and tasks, and give them the autonomy to carry out these actions. Follow up by asking how they feel about the progress and if they need any additional support, reinforcing your trust in their ability to handle the situation.
Communication and Transparency
Maintain open lines of communication to ensure that everyone is on the same page. Schedule regular check-ins to discuss how things are progressing and to address any lingering issues. Be transparent about the impact of the conflict resolution on team dynamics and encourage team members to share their thoughts and feelings openly during these follow-ups.
Growth and Innovation
Use the resolution of the conflict as a learning opportunity for the team. Encourage team members to reflect on what they've learned from the situation and how they can apply those lessons to avoid similar conflicts in the future. Foster a mindset of growth by asking the team for suggestions on how to improve processes or communication to prevent future issues.
Systems of Accountability
Establish clear expectations for how the resolution will be implemented and monitored. Create a system of accountabilityby setting deadlines and benchmarks for the agreed-upon actions. During follow-ups, review the progress made and address any areas where the team might be falling short, ensuring that everyone remains committed to the resolution process.
Handling conflict in the workplace is never easy, but it's an essential part of being an effective leader. By addressing conflict head-on with active listening, clear communication, and a focus on solutions, you can turn potentially disruptive situations into opportunities for growth and stronger team dynamics.
Remember, conflict can lead to better decisions and a more cohesive team if managed properly. By following up with your team, empowering them to take ownership, maintaining open communication, encouraging continuous improvement, and setting clear expectations, you ensure that conflicts are truly resolved and that your team emerges stronger and more united.
Embrace these challenges as opportunities to develop your leadership skills and build a culture of trust and collaboration within your organization.
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